welcome

With eyes that are possibly the biggest, bluest things that I have ever seen in my own life, you look upon light shining through the blinds, the lamp in our bedroom, two black and white prints and my own face with a concentration which is unbelievably endearing. These things distract you from feeding at times, causing you to pause, stretch your neck in a way that reminds me of a tiny baby bird, and stare, open-mouthed at what seems to be the most beautiful, fascinating thing you have ever seen which, given that you are 17 days old, is possibly true.

When you are hungry, you get so angry that it shows in your feeding. It hurts.

You smile. Sometimes I can convince myself that it is not just wind.

You are determined. When you lie on top of me, stomach to stomach, you will raise your head for longer than I thought a newborn possibly could. I can see in your face that you WANT to do this, more than anything. Even if it is only so that you can stare at the beautiful light coming through the blinds some more.

You are, at present, so helpless, and yet with more character than I ever would have given you credit for before I got to know you. You are not just "a baby", but a little individual, a personality.

When I see you, so tiny, I am filled with wonder that something so large can have come out of me. It defies logic.

Your skin is the softest thing I have ever touched. The peachy fluff on your shoulders makes me laugh, yet I cannot help but stroke it one more time.

I never thought I would be here - and whether by that I mean "mother" in general, or more specifically "maternal", I am not 100% sure. I remember doubting the power of the maternal bond which so many people told me about during pregnancy. I was sure I would love you, yes, but be IN love? 100% fascinated by your every move, every breath? So desperate to not forget any moment with you that I would create your own blog, so that I have opportunity to note down your development? This is the place I never saw myself. "All-encompassing" is maybe the best way to describe this maternal feeling.

And in this moment, I pledge to write and update whenever you give me the time.

Welcome to the world, little boy.